The Next Ark
Hey guys, we know it’s a long shot but—
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hey guys, we are so out of our element here
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hey guys, we’ve decided to crowd source
please help us
it takes a lot of wood (and money!) to hold the world
love you guys so much
#arkvibes #floodprep #optimism #genesis
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we see a few questions, and yes, solar
about halfway to our goal
haha, not much these days
we love you too
yeah, there will be a lottery for pets
we’re thinking of two by two as more of a starting point
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thanks for your support everyone
it’s been tough
these things happen
I’m going to continue the project solo
I need your help more than ever
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#secondcoming #almostthere #arksquad #rainyseason #biodiversity #god #divineintervention #howdoIdrivethisthing
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hey, guys
here’s the thing
fuck two by two, man
I’ve got emu threesomes and sex-changing lizards
my penguins all seem to be gay
and there’s only one wolverine
why does everyone assume repopulation depends on couples anyway?
genes are bent, genes are twisted
things adapt to whatever works
let’s get weird
let’s get natural
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to be clear, I never said I was trying to save the world
I don’t think the point is to go back
I’m trying to create something entirely new
a whole world, do you feel me?
like, why recreate what we already destroyed?
I say let go and let god
I say bon voyage motherfuckers
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sorry it’s been a minute
I didn’t expect two of every virus
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okay guys, new plan
pollinate not populate
see, my money’s in roots, rhizomes, what’s underneath
I just found out that some trees can grow in the slashed remains of other trees
animals can’t do that, just saying
animals are the weaker species #fightme
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I know what people are saying
it’s not true
for the record, I still have plenty of animals
but, you know, survival of the fittest
don’t forget fish are not things that need saving at this point in time
plus I’m pretty sure I’ve single-handedly created at least three new species
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for those asking, yes it’s real, and no, I’m not going to sell it
you couldn’t handle it; trust me, this thing’s zoomies almost took out the whole ark
I think it’s the result of cross-species you-know
I have not tried to ride it
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I have one response to my critics, and it’s this:
religion is easy, so passive, just sit back and be saved
while I do all the work
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hey guys, it’s day 150 (but who’s counting!)
waters are receding as predicted
god promised to never do it again, but we know how he gets
before I dock this thing, I need you guys to promise something
we are going to do better this time, right?
in this world?
we’re going to do better?
guys, I’m going to need more votes than that
I’ve got everything you need to start over
not like before, no
this ark has seen some things
and we have to, like, reinvent everything
it’s not going to be easy
I need to know you guys are with me
guys?
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thanks to all those who came out to the grand unloading
I’m happy to report that the world is now repopulated
it’ll take some getting used to
plus side: tons of space!
you can see the downsides
I wasn’t lying about the zoomies
quick reminder that roots need to be properly prepared before eating
fun discovery about mushrooms, though—thanks for the tip
we should meet soon to hash out logistics
in the meantime, stay warm, stay safe, stay hydrated
see you soon to all who survive
kidding not kidding
Kelly Magee is the author of two short story collections, Body Language (University of North Texas Press, 2006) and The Neighborhood (Gold Wake Press Collective, 2016), as well as three collaborative collections of poetry and prose. She has had short fiction published in Booth, Granta, Gulf Coast, Triquarterly, Waxwing, and many others. She teaches creative writing and queer studies at Western Washington University.